


Open Door, Open Heart

by GaHoolianGirl



Series: I Watch A Star Trek TOS Episode And Write A Spirk-y One-Shot [5]
Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Canon Compliant, Childhood Trauma, Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Like Kirk makes a few refrences to being into Spocko but he's got uh, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Not CC at all lol, Other things on his mind like his horrible traumatic past, References to Shakespeare, Shippy Gen, This one highkey requires you to have seen the episode I don't explain anything lol, Well specifically episode compliant these dummies processing emotions in a healthy way?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:49:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26490697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaHoolianGirl/pseuds/GaHoolianGirl
Summary: “I’ve been trying not to think about it,” what that ‘it’ was didn’t need to be said, “That’s always been what I’ve tried to do. I talked to the therapists after it happened, in the academy, up until the moment I set foot on the Enterprise. But when you become responsible for the lives of so many, a lot of that wisdom flies out the blasted airlock. So I ignored it. And ignored it. Day after day. Until it came knocking on my door.”“That is-”“‘A most illogical course of action?’” Kirk grinned with bitterness, his tone sour. It was mean, and he’d hate himself for it later, but he had been looking for more reasons to do just that lately anyway.“-yes. But also concerning. To ignore the issue is as detrimental as to dwell on it.”Set after the conclusion of "The Conscience of the King"
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Series: I Watch A Star Trek TOS Episode And Write A Spirk-y One-Shot [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/268024
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	Open Door, Open Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Just casually reviving a dead series of mine lol. This is tonally different from the older entries, but since it was an episode continuation I thought it'd fit.
> 
> The title is a smidge cheesy but sometimes you need some cheese lol

“Come in, Mr. Spock.”

There had been no voice on the other side of the door, but there didn’t need to be. Spock was often called his other half, both in jest and in earnest, and most of the time Kirk believed it; for all his claims of a distaste and distance from emotion, Spock always seemed to know when he needed...

When _he_ was needed.

“Captain,” that even, steady voice greeted him, standing still until the door whooshed closed behind him. He stepped closer after it had shut, peering unsubtly over his captain’s shoulder to see what the man was reading, “Shakespeare? I find that an odd choice,” _Considering the events of today,_ he was gracious enough not to speak the continuation, but Kirk knew him too well not to hear it loud and clear.

He put the padd aside, sighing a sigh laden with a facsimile of amusement, “Odd? I suppose it is. I was just marveling at how something so ancient can still have messages that are relevant today. The enduring nature of humanity, I suppose, even if some elements of his work have aged beyond poorly.”

“Indeed. They are well structured and innovative for the times in which they were written.”

“Have you read any Shakespeare, Spock?”

Folding his arms behind his back, a gesture comforting to Kirk in its familiarity, he nodded, “I have. Not much, but I found it a logical choice to make if I were to be in close proximity with humans. Even centuries later much of human media and culture is influenced by his work.”

He paused, his deep, intelligent eyes catching Kirk’s, who could interpret the look they held as being one of serious consideration. When he spoke again, his tone was slow and deliberate, “And my mother would read them with me as a child. To improve my English, as she oversaw my study of the language herself.”

Kirk turned his chair abruptly, staring at Spock, mouth slightly agape, searching that handsome, stoic face for... _for something._ Spock had just willingly shared with him a detail from his childhood; he rarely ever spoke of home, or his family. Bones would occasionally joke that he thought the man was grown in a lab, and it seemed like Spock very well wanted everyone to think so.

But now he just gave a piece of himself to Kirk, like he had opened his chest, ripped out part of his heart and handed it to his captain.

A fond memory of reading classical Earth literature with his mother obviously lacked the weight of being one of the sole survivors of a massacre, but his message was not lost on Kirk.

Sighing again, Kirk ran his hand down his face, “We aren’t playing chess right now, Mr. Spock, but it seems like you have me in checkmate regardless.”

“I have no idea what you mean, captain.”

The first real smile Kirk had in what felt like forever graced his face. It was small, but it was real.

And it just as quickly fell.

“I’ve been trying not to think about it,” what that ‘it’ was didn’t need to be said, “That’s always been what I’ve tried to do. I talked to the therapists after it happened, in the academy, up until the moment I set foot on the Enterprise. But when you become responsible for the lives of so many, a lot of that wisdom flies out the blasted airlock. So I ignored it. And ignored it. Day after day. Until it came knocking on my door.”

“That is-”

“‘A most illogical course of action?’” Kirk grinned with bitterness, his tone sour. It was mean, and he’d hate himself for it later, but he had been looking for more reasons to do just that lately anyway.

“-yes. But also concerning. To ignore the issue is as detrimental as to dwell on it.”

Something in Spock’s tone tipped Kirk off to the fact that was, perhaps, being a degree of hypocritical, but he couldn’t argue with the, dare he say it, logic of those words. He was a damn starship captain, he couldn’t endanger the lives of his crew because he let his past fester inside him until it hit a boiling point. 

But what else could he do?

The only reason Kirk knew his first officer didn’t read his mind just then was that he understood that was not the nature of Vulcan telepathy.

“If I may suggest, the first course of action that is often recommended is to... talk about it. If you can find no one else, I am... willing. _Jim._ ”

Spock looked as uncomfortable making that offer as Kirk was with the idea of accepting it, but the very idea of this man, who valued his emotional privacy so much, offering to be there when he needed a listening ear, was too valuable and precious to deny.

And besides, he could never say no when Spock said his name _like that._

“Thank you, Spock. If you’ve got a minute now...”

He didn’t get a verbal response, just a nod before Spock silently took a seat. He sat with his usual impeccable posture and poise- if anyone were to walk in they would mistake their exchange for a briefing, not an impromptu therapy session. 

That brought Kirk some measure of comfort.

“Have I told you about Sam before? My brother? He...”

As he spoke, of all the good, of all the bad, and all the unspeakable, he felt a wash of unidentifiable feeling wash over him. 

When he answered the door chime only minutes ago, he was letting Spock in, in more ways than one, and nothing had ever felt so right.•

**Author's Note:**

> RIP Kirk since his brother dies 16 episodes later.
> 
> Feel free to hit me up @ my tumblr, maid-of-the-golden-deer


End file.
